Aventurile porcusorului Greggery Peccary

Narrator: 

The adventures of GREGGERY PECCARY!

Greggery:

Oh, here comes GREGGERY,
Little GREGGERY PECCARY
The nocturnal gregarious
Wild swine . . .

Narrator:

A peccary is a little pig with a white collar that usually hangs around between Texas and Paraguay, sometimes ranging as far west as Catalina

Greggery:

Catalina, Catalina, Catalina!

Narrator:

This particular peccary is part of that bold . . .

Greggery:

Bold . . .

Narrator:

New . . .

Greggery:

New . . .

Narrator:

Breed . . .

Greggery:

Breeding . . .

Narrator:

That distinguishes itself by markings which resemble a WIDE TIE directly below the white collar

Greggery:

If it's wide enough
Everyone will know
That the tie I'm wearing
Is a symbol
Of how nimble my mind will know
Ooh-ooh!

Narrator:

(Swank suave!)

Greggery:

Hoon-hoon hoonna-han
Hoonna hoonna

Narrator:

Look out!
Here he comes again!

Greggery:

Oh here comes GREGGERY PECCARY

Yes it's cravy, cravy, yeah . . .

Hoonna-han
Hoonna-han

Narrator:

Every morning, GREGGERY drives his little red Volkswagen to the ugly part of town where they keep the Government Buildings.

Greggery:

Voodn, Voodn!

Boy it's so hard to find a place to park around here!

Voo-voo-voo-nya-hoon

Narrator:

GREGGERY PECCARY takes the elevator up to the eighty-third floor of a grim, gray, evil-looking building with a sign on the front reading: 'BIG SWIFTY & ASSOCIATES, TREND-MONGERS'.

And what, might you ask, is a TREND MONGER? Well, a TREND MONGER is a person who dreams up a TREND (like 'The Twist' -or 'Flower Power'), and spreads it throughout the land, using all the frightening little skills that Science has made available!

And so it was, one fateful morning, GREGGERY PECCARY made his way through the Steno Pool . . .

Greggery:

Hi Mildred!
Hello Gladys!
WANDA!

Narrator:

Yes, from the moment they laid eyes on him, all the girls in the BIG SWIFTY Steno Pool KNEW . . . here was a nocturnal, gregarious wild swine ON HIS WAY UP . . . a PECCARY of Destiny, Adventure and ROMANCE . . .

Greggery:

Is there any mail for me?

Stenographers:

SWIFTY'S!
THIS IS BIG SWIFTY'S!
AT BIG SWIFTY'S WE ALL KNOW-OW-OW
(WO-WO)
YOU'LL GO
FOR ANY GIMMICK OR GIZMO!

Greggery:

WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE INVOLVED
IN A SERIES OF COLORFUL
TIME-WASTING TRENDS?

Narrator:

AIR HOCKEY . . . biff . . . dush-h-h!

Stenographers:

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP

Greggery:

IS YOUR WIFE SNORING BY THE SINK?

Stenographers:

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
YOUP YOUP YOUP YOUP

Greggery:

AIN'T YOUR LIFE BORING, DON'TCHA THINK?

Stenographers:

YOUP YOUP YOUP-YOUP-YOUP YOUP YOUP

Greggery:

LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER
WHEN THERE'S SOME LITTLE SOMETHING
TO DO!

Narrator:

Does it matter that this waste of time is what makes a LIFE for you? Hmmmmm?

Greggery:

I must plummet boldly forward to my ultra-avant laminated, simulated replica-mahogany desk, with the strategically-placed, imported, very hip water pipe, and the latest edition of the WHOLE EARTH CATALOG, and rack my agile mind for a spectacular new TREND, thereby rejuvenating our limping economy, and providing for bored & miserable people everywhere some great new 'THING' to identify with!

Stenographers:

WE HAVE GOT THE LITTLE ANSWERS
TO THE THINGS
THAT MIGHT BE BOTHERING YOU!

Greggery:

WE HAVE GOT YOUR LITTLE TOYS!